Amazing Grace

Why would the Lord use me?

Here I am, crying over a heartache from two years ago. Its sting’s still fresh. As if I my heart’s been stomped five minutes ago. But in two days, I will be a facilitator in a retreat.

I am far from having it all figured out. Carrying all my emotional baggage with me, it is a constant day by day surrender and casting my pains to Jesus. Yet the pain that I carry doesn’t stop me from being all out for Him.

In spite of my brokenness, how could the Lord entrust me with the lives of five women? How could a woman like me, crying over spilled milk for hours, be of service to a mighty King? He doesn’t need me.

This is nothing short of grace.

In spite of my faithlessness, struggle with unbelief, lack of Bible reading and most especially of prayer, Jesus remains faithful. He continuously uses me to speak His word of truth to other people, to pray for others, to encourage them, to love them. How can I be worthy to serve people in my brokenness? Shouldn’t I be ok by now? Wouldn’t that be a better testimony?

All these ministries that I have, I realized, are not avenues for me to serve, but an avenue for the Lord to show his faithfulness to me, in spite of my inconsistencies, idolatries. He continues to love me, and bless me in so many ways, and use me as a channel of blessing to others.

In these various ministries, he shows me that He continues to care for me, that I am loved. And though I see myself broken, God sees me whole, and he entrusts me with bigger responsibilities each time because He knows that it is His faithfulness that sustains me – not my own strengh – I am after all, an emotional wreck. I am merely suspended and alive because of His great love and faithfulness.

Thank you for this amazing grace.

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