God’s Sovereignty and Love

I knew this day would come. I know it was bound to happen. I just didn’t know when. Well I guess it has been more than two years already and he has moved on. It would be selfish to stop him from moving on, even if the failure of the relationship was only his fault.

The betrayal and rejection came flooding over me. Like a wave of the sea drowning me. I remember our dates and memories together as if they were yesterday. And he would always tell me he loves me, wants to be with me, is 100% committed to make the relationship work – and there is someone else.

How could I not be enough? I’ve always seen myself beautiful inside and out. And yet not a single guy shows any attention to me. But maybe therein lies my fault. I see myself beautiful dependent on the attention I get from friends, especially guys. I don’t know if God is answering my prayer of not getting my heart hurt again thereby no one is showing interest in me. If he is not protecting me, or I am simply not beautiful, or too weird, or not sociable enough. Or maybe I need to be content in Him.

I cannot explain my pain. As I write this, I have been awake for 27 hours. I just want to cease to exist. I thought the soul ties have been permanently severed, but why are they still here? I am not alone, but I am so lonely. And all I want to do is wallow in my pain.

O Lord, won’t you avenge my pain? Or have I inflicted this on myself that there i no payback needed? When will this torment end? When can I finally be free? I want to feel your love so intensely that all my pain will just blow away.

  1. He is a man after God’s own heart
  2. He is a leader – spiritually and emotionally
  3. He keeps his word
  4. He maintains purity
  5. His intention is marriage
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